2014.

I was in my college years, and it was one of the busiest years in my study. Then, that terrible storm said hi to my hectic days.

My father suddenly fell sick, quite severe. I knew that he has a medical history such as diabetes and several mild illnesses, yet under control by having a good lifestyle.

But, that time was different.

Everything was started when he had a leg injury which was quite severe. My family and I (my mom and my sister) brought him to several hospitals, and unfortunately, he did not get proper treatment. Moreover, a doctor from one of the hospitals was misdiagnosed, even performed a wrong surgery which made his leg almost got amputated. Our family was very upset as it happened when he was getting a treatment in a national hospital which has a good reputation. After that incident, we moved him into another hospital and fortunately, he got a better treatment.

My father was the breadwinner. If he falls, then our family becomes financially unstable. My mother did not have any job, and she had to dedicate her time to take care of the father. It was truly a dark time.

My study was so busy back then, but I had to help my mother. I tried to support the family’s financial burden by satisfying my own needs. My father’s treatment required a big amount of money, even BPJS wasn’t covered all the expenses. Moreover, we need more money to “fix” the mistreatment by the previous hospital. Most of the money was allocated to that. Then, I felt responsible to support my life. I was confused. I had no idea what to do to get money as I did not have special skills or capabilities to be sold beside my academic background.

In the end, I tried to look for a scholarship to cover my tuition fee for each term. I applied to the countless scholarship opportunity. I used almost every night to search for scholarship information. Then, I decided to be a private tutor as a side job. I tutored thrice a week and taught two students in a day. The duration of the study session was three to four hours. My focus was divided no longer just to my study but to the preparation for my tutoring session. The locations of my tutoring session were quite far which required more energy to mobilize. The income from this tutoring session was not enough to cover my life’s expenses. Then, I tried to get additional money by selling something. At that time, I started to sell beauty products and fruits salad. Moreover, I also became a research participant several times to get the incentive.

The tough time was quite long to make me think “why my life becomes like this..”, “why people have a normal life but not me..”, “why it should be me..”, “why this difficult situation comes endlessly..”, “why life is so unfair”, “why I have many struggles”. That kind of immature thoughts pooped up in mind often. The hard time happened for almost two years, with all the ups and downs. As if the struggles were not enough, I broke up with my boyfriend, one of the main support systems in my life.

Even though I had a rocky road, I still considered myself lucky. I was surrounded by supportive friends so that I was not felt into the wrong actions. The support made me strong enough to keep going despite the exhaustion. I started to focus on the solutions rather than cry over the situations. The strength was growing in myself. I was determined to graduate on time and start looking for a job. I realized that there was no use to dwell on the sadness. I knew that I was not a brilliant student who had extraordinary abilities, then I thought that I should find the opportunity.

Then, the years were fly by. My father’s conditions showed no significant improvements. His illness relapse often. However, my way to deal with certain conditions has changed. I was more reactive and mourn over the situation. Nowadays, I lean more toward problem-solving. I offer support based on my capability, whether watch over father or support my family financially. One of the realizations is, the unpleasant situations are strengthening my family’s bond. Our relationship becomes better and we are closer to each other. Though the situation is extreme, I still perceive that as a way to gear myself so that I am able to deal with other problems in life.

Fortunately, I have people around me who are opening their arms whenever I need. I know for sure that everybody has their own problem with different portions, fit in with their capabilities.

If you are amidst problematic situations and have negative thoughts just like me a few years ago, try to get rid of it from your head. I know that being open and tell others about your difficulty is not an easy peasy thing. But, trust in me, when you find the right people who are truly caring and willing to listen, it will help you a lot. We could find the solution to our problem by our selves, for sure..but, the presence of a support system might enhance our strength (perhaps indirectly or even unconsciously) to get through the rocky road ahead.